So, I took a little walk down memory Lane. Thought of quite a few people. Tinesha. Rachel. Michael. Christyn. Mariann. David. Joey. Brandon. But most of all: Casey. I was reading older post and I just never realized how much Casey has changed me. I remember myself before, but I literally grew obsessive: always wanting no one other then Casey, nothing was good enough unless I had Casey. I can't believe how crazy I went. No wonder I couldn't let go. He was literally my first honest love. I also can't believe how much pain I had to go through just to keep him. Why would I put myself through that? I just don't understand. I also can't help but think of Casey too. Why did he do and go through all of that? Why did he do the things he did? Why? I remember how much I "loved" Michael, but was willing to share him, in a sense, with Rachel. I remember how much anger I had towards Rachel but also felt her sting of jealousy on me that I never could understand. I read how Christyn was so supportive of me and Casey and was always saying go for it, but only because she hated Mariann. Now look at them. Close and good friends. I remember and saw how Mariann would NEVER get married, and was always jumping guys. I saw how much she hated me when I "stole" Casey away from her. I can't believe I would ever do that to a friend. I always saw how good of a person she was by forgiving me. I wish her the best of happiness where ever she may end up next. I remember how I was listening to a song in the car on my way back from Kansas, visiting my grandparents where I did nothing but talk to Casey on AIM, and I realized that I was crazy for Casey. That was when he was good. I remember how I first told Casey I loved him: a;lskdjf;aklsdfjpaoweihrniloveyoujkn;awieyrn, and his response. I remember how I liked Jeremy before that ever happened but I never would do anything out of fear and because I started dating Casey. I remember how close me and Jeremy used to be. When Casey broke up with me and broke my heart for the first time. It was Jeremy who I called, stayed up with me all night, and MADE me watch the Jason movies, make me laugh through them. I remember when I came back from Rita depressed, it was really Jeremy who helped me out of it. How I truly first talked to him.
"Hey can you help me with my Math?"
"Sure, Jeremy. What do you need help with?"
"I don't understand the concept of 'like terms.'"
"Well, all you do is you take the terms that are the same. Like how this 4 has only one 'x' and this 7 has only one 'x'. You combine them. Along with the ones that have x2. You take the like terms and put them together."
"But what if they don't like each other?"
"*giggle* Well you make them go together."
"But, Katherine, I don't want to force two numbers together that don't like each other!"
"But you have too to get an answer."
"Well, fine. I wont get an answer then."
On the pop quiz the next day, he got a 100. Either I'm a good teacher, or he already knew it. :P. I also remember that Jeremy who saved me from myself numerous times and was also the one who gave me the nick name "Kat":
"You know your name is too long."
"Huh?" "Katherine. I mean its like a mouth full."
"I'm sorry."
"If you were really sorry you would make it shorter."
"Well then make it shorter. *giggle*"
*Looks at me funny* "You giggle a lot."
"I can't help it." *smiles*
"Kat."
"Huh?"
"That's your new name so I wont use a lot of breath. Kat."
"Alright." *smiles* "Kat it is."
I remember how JD and I were the best of friends and how Ashely and I were sisters. How the three of us would never separate and how Jeremy came over. I have so many memories of just the three of us that I would never replace in my heart. I remember me and Haley and Mariann along with Christina just clicked and came to the point that we truly did care about each other and saw each other as family. (Christina my Momma. Caleb my Daddy. Kori my ex-Step Dad. JL my Uncle. Mariann my half Sister. Haley my Sister.) I remember me and Tabby starting off OK friends but then becoming so close, epically this year. I remember the amazing things me and Kori went through just to get along. I remember how much I really did care about him. I remember the duck tape Cynthia put on me and Haley with the MEH and sponge bob so we would shut up. I remember how I opened my mind to JL and ended up in ashes. How I regret what I did. To him and Seth.
I never knew that name would catch on so well. I remember Chris asking me out not even 5 mins after Casey did. I remember the twins and how I owe most dated Trayvon but he was dating another girl and how I was "the other woman" when Trevor was "dating" one of my best friends: Ashely. I remember how deep of a depression I was in on my 13th birthday when Joey killed himself with a dog leash in my back yard. I remember the denial and tears I went through, but I had David. I remember David telling me that Casey was only going to hurt me and that I didn't need to be around him. I remember telling David how much I hated him and then hung up on him. When I got a call back, I laughed and said "Well, if you called to apologize I'm not accepting it. You need to...Jamie?" I heard her crying and telling me that David was dead. The last words he heard from me were that I hated him. He went out for a drive to calm himself down only to be hit by the drunk drive and killed. They said instantly. The drunk had nothing wrong with him. Maybe a few scratches. I was reading on how me and Tinesha used to like each other, dislike each other, accuse the other of something, HATE each other, kinda like each other, despise each other, and then suddenly because the best of friends that we are now. Its funny how the world works.
I remember meeting Brandon and thinking, Man he is amazing. I remember talking to him at Church camp for days but never knew his name. I remember how much I liked him but how he turned me down, but later called me to find out that he and I liked each other. I remember seeing him at Fiesta Texas and falling out of the Chair when I leaned in to kiss him. I remember staying over in San Antonio with him with him and meeting and falling in love with his family. I worked with him through drum core. I remember feeling confused but "knowing" he was it. I remember our fights. We were either lovey dovey or at each other's throats. But we worked it out. I wanted to work everything out with him, but I guess he did what the thought was best. It was for us both. We became best of friends. I mean if it wasn't for him. Seve and I would have never reconnected. Because of Brandon, I wanted to attend a college close to him. San Marcos and Texas State were it. Cheaper then UT and better for me. closer to him. Because I applied for Texas State, when Seve was down we kept talking and had a 6 hour breakfast. (but we both had other people. Me, Brandon and Seve, Grace). But when he and I both became single, we couldn't stop talking. Next think you know he tells me were dating. All because I wanted to be close to Brandon but at a good school.
But I was so hung up on Casey when I met Seve that I would have never guessed. Honestly, even without Casey i just never saw myself dating Seve. He was so out there. I mean don't get me wrong, He was cute and funny and smart. But he made out with over half the school, including my best friend Rachel. He was always with someone and I mean he even left his date at prom and kissed me. TWICE my sophomore year. He took me to Homecoming, sort of. I mean, I really did like him and I guess you could say that He and I had chemistry, but he was the LAST person I saw myself falling for. He was worth it. Now that I'm with him, I never want to lost him. I mean the person I didn't see myself at all with is the man I'm marring now and I couldn't be happier. He has always been it. I just never saw it. My eyes were too closed shut. He was right there in front of me. You truly never know.
But most of all........I remember Rachel. She has been there for me thought it all and though we have fought and argued over things like all people. She has truly become my sister. Her and Tinesha both. But through everything. Rachel has always been my best friend and always has helped me through everything. I guess that's why I feel obligated to try to repay her. She knew David. She heard me cry 6 months after his death because I finally accepted it. She was there for me when I attempted at suicide, her and Jeremy both. She has always been the best friend that I would ever ask for.
So pretty much The Most AMAZING Person in My Life became Someone who I just Don't know if I can be Around (Kori). Those I just Didn't know if I Could be Around became The Lovers that I TRULY regret what I Did (JL and Seth). Someone I Regretted what I Did to Them became one of My "Lovers" (Mariann). My Lover became My Best Friend (Brandon). My Best Friend became My Sister (Rachel). My Sister became Someone I really Don't Know (Ashley). Someone I really Didn't know became an Amazing Life Long Friend (Tinesha). My Amazing Life Long Friend became Someone I just Don't talk too (J.D). Those who I just Don't talk too became more Like Family (Tabby, Caleb, Haley, Christina). Those more like Family became the People that I will Love in my Heart Forever (Joey and David). Someone that I Swore to Forever Love in my Heart became a Close Friend (Casey). My Close and Most Amazing friend became an Acquaintance (Jeremy). My Acquaintance became the Love of My Life and My Future Husband (Seve).
Kat
Chatboard (0)